There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
