I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
