it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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