he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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