Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
