What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize