i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
