That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
