Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
