he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize