They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
