I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
