I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
