so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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