Christians are straight up FREAKS
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
