When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
