I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
