Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
