Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need to calm my uterus...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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