I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Never joke about your clitoris.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
