it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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