Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
