Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
