I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
