He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
