Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
