He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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