I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
