I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
