he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
