and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
