We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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