fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
