so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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