4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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