she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
