You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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