I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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