Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
