I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize