I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
