someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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