Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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