Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
