dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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