I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
