MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
