Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
