he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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