Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
