Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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