where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize