Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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