just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
