I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My Sexting was not on an AP level
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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