My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
