True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
