so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
