May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
