Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
