wanna go halves on a baby?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
