Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
