i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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