no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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