i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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