Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
