She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
