i just had sex bonerless
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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