you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
