I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
